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I am Law...you are Crime.
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| No time for castles in space. |
[03 Jul 2009|12:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Say You Will-Kanye West |
] |
Demerol? Oh my, his God is Demerol?
Yeah. So, a week later & I'm still having trouble digesting the news...and it's full impact. I feel silly weeping over a person that I essentially did not know..never met..never even saw perform live in person. But the feeling I experienced & continue to experience in light of the news of his death is very tangible, visceral and real. I'm certainly more than a casual fan. Fifteen or so years between a fan and an artist is a long & significant relationship. An indirect and at times remote relationship..but a true and full one nonetheless. One that can be very personal.
The devastation (and shock) that I feel is on a scale larger than I ever expected.
I'm interested in pop culture in general. I enjoy analyzing it. I enjoy studying it. I probably spend too much time on it.
I've always been the first to acknowledge that I take the music I listen to & the people who create it very seriously. I am not a casual listener. I seek complete context. In that way, I connect myself to these people, these artists, in such a manner that it really becomes a huge investment.
( ...or living in make believe. )
Let's move on from Michael, shall we? I could write about shit like this endlessly, so I'm just going to stop now and change the subject, haha.
( Jet lag becomes her. )
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| It's a sad day when waking up at 9am is sleeping in. |
[01 May 2009|02:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Help I'm Alive-Metric |
] |
I have no paper clips so I literally had to clip my notes for Advanced Accounting Topics together with bobby pins this morning. Bobby pins. Fucking bobby pins. I am not even happy that this semester has ended because all it means is that I've lost all my chances to redeem my grades.
& now all I have to look forward to is resuming my self-studying for the CPA exam.
When the fuck will I get to enjoy my life?
Bobby pins! WHAT HAVE I BECOME?
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| Pass the Courvoisier. |
[18 Apr 2009|01:41am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Pass the Courvoisier (Part II)-Busta Rhymes feat. Pharrell Williams & P Diddy |
] |
Don't this shit make my people wanna jump, jump? Just got home from the office party. We almost went bar-hopping as a group near the end, but thankfully it didn't pan out. I drank Courvoisier, listened to the Executive Director talk institute politics with various professors, laughed a lot, & fielded awkward questions & jokes in front of my father.
It was interesting.
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| All the good times suffer. |
[16 Apr 2009|01:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Don't Lose My Number-Phil Collins |
] |
Instead of the H&O show on Friday, I'll be going to the DSI office party; mistake.
Bro, I'm so ashamed.
I had hoped to somehow impulsively get tickets to the concert at the last minute. Unrealistic, of course, but a romantic plan nonetheless. Instead, I'll probably end up spending the night in careful conversation with assorted professors & co-workers, smiling and reciting rehearsed replies to questions. Dutifully networking. With Possession Obsession set to a montage of images of Daryl Hall building houses playing in the back of my mind.
& tears streaming down my face.
Haha, okay, I'm kidding about the tears part...but I really am bummed about not going to the H&O show. Seriously. Not going is the perfect way to start the end of a distinctly crappy semester.
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| The locker slams on the plans you had tonight. |
[27 Mar 2009|01:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Adult Education-Hall & Oates |
] |
One of the four suitemates of mine whose room is right next to mine has some heinous gas right now. It sounds like she's freaking moving furniture in there. Ugh.
So, Hall & Oates are playing in Atlanta at Chastain on April 17th. That's a motherfucking Friday. Tickets go on sale tomorrow. I want to go. I have no excuses except no one to go with (which is necessary because I need a ride). I can't think of any of my friends who like Hall & Oates enough to pay to see them. My sister is game, but she doesn't have a car either. Maybe I can somehow drag my Dad into this...I forced him to listen to them on the way home from a family trip a few years ago & he didn't protest too much. Hmm.
What do you think of a Phd in Management? I'm thinking about it. I am already turned off of Actuarial Science after the lady I met with was a bit of a condescending bitch.
I need to go to sleep early tonight! Like right now! I totally slept in and had to call in sick to work today. Shit. Good night!
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| Sure you talk the talk when you need to. |
[15 Mar 2009|09:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Taxi Ride-Tori Amos |
] |
I fear the whole world is starting to believe you.
Have you ever had an iced coffee that was half warm? It is not a pleasant experience, especially when it is unexpected. The Saxby's barista at the library who made my white chocolate mocha this time leaves much to be desired.
Suddenly, it's hit me, as I sit here brought almost to tears over a mundane & difficult International Accounting homework assignment (pathetic, I'm well aware): I have no social stimulation here in downtown Atlanta, even after living here for roughly 8 months now. I don't know my way around and I have no one to explore with so I stay at home in front of my computer all the time whenever I'm not in class or at work.
I cannot believe that I romanticized being so alone as a child. I pictured myself, grown up and sophisticated, alone in an apartment for one. Painting something on a canvas. Wearing a black turtle neck. Drinking something alcoholic. In the daydream of my youth it was probably red wine. Which I now know that I dislike, so in the daydream of now, it would be vodka mixed with something fruity. Maybe a screwdriver. Anyway, back to it: I'd be struggling to make ends meet, but thoroughly enjoying the starving artist cliché with all honesty. When it comes down to it, I'm so far from that silly dream. I'm in graduate school...not out of a desire to educate myself any further, but rather out of a fear to face the real world with its deadlines, expectations, employee performance reviews, parallel parking, and whatnot.
I try to convince myself that everyone goes through at least one period in their life where they are alone and have no friends to call on. But I'm really getting sick of always eating by myself. This feeling is not unlike what I experienced in Singapore a couple years ago, only more magnified and much more bothersome. Maybe I've forgotten how to showcase my personality. I do have one. A pretty great one, if I say so myself. I've forgotten how to socialize? Well, most likely, I haven't yet learned how to socialize properly. Seamlessly. I cut off my socializing for a while for a good reason. That reason still exists, but I was later able to make some friends around it. Sure, I'd even gotten pretty good at masking my deficiency. Always the one to make a quick quip & get a laugh. But now that I'm alone it's becoming painfully obvious that I'm totally lost.
Lost in a major I have no ambition or passion for, perhaps? No, not really. I mean, that I can deal with. Well..maybe not. Sure, I get depressed about it constantly, but I'm always overcome with a sense of responsibility to myself (no, really to others) to keep up what I try to convince myself is not a charade. A responsibility to see this through because I feel it is truly too late to do something else. I'm already doing a freaking Masters for crying out loud! How can I possibly backtrack to my Undecided major from sophomore year of undergrad now!? Sometimes I do wish I would have the courage to stop this and tell everyone, "Hey! Sorry guys! I fucked up! I really did, and I understand that this announcement is way late and that I had so many chances to make it earlier that I just didn't take out of fear & stupidity, but...guess what? I'm ready to finally take charge of the situation and do something I enjoy! Something I can handle! Aren't you happy for me?" Hahaha, that is never going to happen. But maybe there is still an out. Once I graduate in December, if I don't find a job (and the way things are going, I probably won't anytime soon), I will lose my health insurance. I'll only continue to have health insurance if I keep going to school! Maybe I can use this opportunity to get yet another degree. Only this time, it could be a degree that I can feel comfortable with. One I care about at least a little.
Ultimately, I suppose I'm lost in being alone. Which I guess makes it somewhat cruelly ironic...that I am alone and therefore don't even have to worry about anyone picking up on my loss of social skills. It completely works for as well as against itself. How positively neat.
I guess I should get back to my homework.
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| Not with Jane Fucking Fonda Jr. as my date. |
[21 Feb 2009|11:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bitch Went Nutz-Ben Folds |
] |
Just now, as I was walking into my apartment building, a homeless guy was walking towards me. I immediately sped up my walk to the door and frowned extra hard to show him I meant business and wasn't going to stop to entertain him or hear whatever babble he was preparing to say. He just smiled and was like..."You shouldn't be so serious all the time. Being too serious is bad for your health." So I smiled wide after I passed him. Asshole.
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| A little gambling is fun when you're with me. |
[31 Jan 2009|06:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Stuck On Repeat-Little Boots |
] |
I finally got around to uploading some photos from my two week holiday break in Las Vegas (Dec. 18th to 31st). There are a few from the fountain show on the Strip and a bunch from Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum.
( The Rodfather likes to drink more wine than she used to. )
Overall, the Vegas trip was really fun. I didn't post photos of the rest of the stuff we did because..well, it's Vegas & it deserves at least some degree of secrecy, no? I gambled once and didn't win shit. We visited the Bellagio, MGM, the Venetian...and alot more that I can't be bothered to remember now, haha. Oh, I do remember that we visited the same store at the Forum Shops at Ceasar's Palace as MJ from the Living with Michael Jackson interview. That was cool.
I discovered Pomegranate Blueberry Tea Lattes at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf over the break. SO GOOD. It makes me sad that there isn't a Coffee Bean near where I am now.
My craving for oreos still hasn't died down. I literally had a dream about giant oreos, not unlike these, the other night. Look at that hand-to-cookie ratio. I couldn't stop thinking about giant oreos for the rest of the day. I need them in my life.
On a completely different note, I've officially started to self-study for the CPA exam. It is daunting as fuck.
So, more photos: My cousin works with Obama somehow. I'm ashamed to say I don't remember what she does exactly, haha...I do know she was a major part of his campaign in New Jersey. So, as a result of her hard work, she & her father were invited to the inaugaration. She sent me a bunch of photos from that.
( Here are a few of them. The Obamas, my cousin, and a little Beyonce & Co. for good measure. )
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| Like chewing on pearls. |
[18 Dec 2008|04:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
I Like It Rough-Lady Gaga |
] |
I really want some oreos.
I'm off to Vegas in a few hours.
I don't want to go.
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| She composition, she statistical fact. |
[12 Dec 2008|04:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
She Drives Me Wild-Michael Jackson |
] |
I got 107% on my Accounting Theory final. THE HIGHEST GRADE OUT OF 48 OTHER MOTHERFUCKERS. FUCK YEAH.
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| Well that is that & this is this. You tell me what you want & I'll tell you what you get. |
[18 Nov 2008|11:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 enraged |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Carmensita-Devendra Banhart |
] |
YOU GET AWAY FROM ME.
His line: So what is your room number? You may need me to help you washing your long & beautiful hair or for a massage after your busy day.
My answer, after I sat in incredulous shock for about a minute: Uh, I'm pretty self-sufficient when it comes to washing my own hair, etc, so all that's unnecessary. I remember you said you were in the doctoral program for economics, right? How long have you been in the program? I'm actually considering maybe doing a PhD in accounting after my Masters. How do you like the doctoral program so far?
What I wanted to say: Fall back bitch, this is not your shit. I've talked to you once about motherfucking scholarly subjects that were so far from anything suggestive that I can't understand or believe you're trying this shit on me now. FUCK OFF. FUCK THE FUCK OFF, FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER.
He wants to wash my fucking hair? That shit made me more uncomfortable than being hit on by random homeless guys while walking to class/work. What is wrong with people? I was trying to NETWORK and this asshole only cares about coming onto me? FUCK THIS BULLSHIT.
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| I go downtown...somebody keep telling me don't hang around. |
[15 Sep 2008|08:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
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A Change Is Gonna Come-Sam Cooke |
] |
I just came home from an info. session in the business school and on my way to the shuttle a seemingly homeless girl struck up a conversation with me. I was waiting to cross the road, and was leaning over to look down the street to see if any restaurants were open. The girl came up next to me and said, "It's safe to cross, honey." I smiled because obviously I knew that. She and I started to cross and she proceeded to kindly (and unnecessarily, haha) explain the walk/don't walk signs to me. She was so bubbly, so I just smiled and nodded as if she were really enlightening me. "You're looking beautiful tonight," she said. I laughed and thanked her. "You're just all giggles! I'm going to call you Giggles. You know, my mother was called Giggles. She's deceased." I replied that I was sad to hear that. She then said, "My name is Aiesha. Just keep me in your prayers. I am seventeen years old and I'm HIV positive and I'm 4 months pregnant." She lifted up her shirt to reveal her protruding belly. I nodded with a sympathetic expression. "I ask people for help...I just asked a police officer if I could have his food, he was throwing it away, and he just pushed me! He said NO! and pushed me!" Naturally, I commiserated with her and offered another sympathetic nod. Then she said, "I just need help, all I'm asking for is a little help." She turned to me and I knew what was coming so I stopped walking, interrupted her, and reached into my purse. I looked directly into her eyes and said, "You know, you are very lucky because I rarely do this, but I'll give you a twenty." I handed the bill to her and her face just...exploded into this huge smile and her eyes just LIT UP. She took the bill from my hand and before I could say anything else, she threw her arms around me and gave me the most suffocating hug. "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" When she finally let go of me, she asked me my name. I told her and she said thank you again. She started off in the same direction as me, and then had an epiphany and stopped to exclaim, "I'm going to Mickey D's!" and then she and I parted ways.
Her story could've been fake. In fact, it most likely was, apart from her obvious pregnancy..but I don't give a fuck.
I usually flat out ignore panhandlers, but I was just feeling hella charitable on a whim, yo.
That crazy hug was worth it.
Also, I felt like I was making up for not giving anything to the people who approached me in Vrindavan. I don't know, it makes no sense, but still.
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| I need a conversation. |
[27 Aug 2008|01:13am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 listless |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Abyss-Anoushka Shankar & Karsh Kale feat. Vishal Vaid |
] |
So, tonight I got home just in time for Hillary's DNC speech. I LOLed at "sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits" and teared up at the part where she talked about Harriet Tubman and not stopping if you hear the dogs (I am lame, haha) and getting a taste of freedom & whatnot. I am very excited about this year's election. It's the first one I can vote in. I will be so depressed if McCain wins.
If you comment, I'll check out your LJ profile. In particular, the interests section. I will then pick three "interests" and ask you to explain them. You then post an LJ entry (or just reply as a comment) explaining those three interests, along with this explanation.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) pmax3 asked me to explain the following three:
( Eminem )
( India )
( Physics )
Mozambique or was it Veronique? How about
you pick the subject & I'll listen to you.
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| Everything I am has been neatly contained into the contents of a Samsonite bag. |
[31 Jul 2008|01:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 full |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Like It Or Not-Darren Hayes |
] |
Me (sans a laptop!), two suitcases, and I'm coming to see you.
From Atlanta to Chicago to Frankfurt to Chennai to Kerala to Chennai to Delhi to Frankfurt to Atlanta.
They're going to want to know how it was being there after six years.
My great uncle would send me poetic text messages. That is what I will miss the most.
I am also selfishly relieved to soon be leaving India only since it is in a period of unrest with the bombing. I do care..it's just my apathy and cynicism setting in.
I keep thinking I've lost something.
I look down
and it's only you.
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