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You say it's not a sword!
But with your pen you torture men.
Scary conversation. Shut my eyes. Can't find the brake. 
02 05 10
I'm like a cat in heat stuck in a moving car.
Dad calls to check up on my job searching. I sit silently. I feel words rushing in my head but they somehow lose their meaning in seconds & they conveniently bypass my mouth. He yells some more. I close my eyes. Exhale audibly. I regret it immediately and hope it went unnoticed. Then I apologize, tell him I'm busy with classes. I'm preoccupied...only a half lie this time. He thinks something's up. I don't blame him.
I just want to settle into this semester a little bit before I throw myself behind an ambitious job hunt again. I'm applying to shit online..but these jobs are ones I know I am not qualified for. & that one fucking class that fucked over my GPA certainly isn't helping matters.
I can't have conversations with him anymore. I always think rationally the second after I flip my phone shut. I'll never impress or assure him (...or myself, for that matter) this way. It's frustrating. I have to face reality finally..I can only prolong this shit for so long. There are times that I wonder if I have inherited some of these problems. No. In actuality, I'm probably being irresponsible...blaming my own fear on others. There's apathy coupled with this fear. It's a potent combination.

I should have packed for the weekend by now. I should be sleeping. Not sitting in front of my laptop crying in the dark and pitying myself like a fucking character from a teen movie.


On a completely separate note:
I was sitting in Aderhold the other day & I overheard someone trying to make the argument that homosexual couples should not be given the right to marry because they lack the ability to produce children & therefore do not require the benefits afforded to a heterosexual couple through marriage.

Haha, nice try. Way to completely overlook shit.
When a heterosexual couple marries, there is a clear and existing biological potential for offspring. The potential offspring represents a new burden on society and therefore heterosexual couples' marriages affect society in such a way that society provides marriage benefits to the couple to account for this new potential burden.
Many people try to state that homosexual couples do not present the same biological potential for offspring and therefore society owes these couples none of the marriage benefits given to heterosexual couples.
This argument faultily relies on the assumption that the only option for having offspring in a homosexual relationship is the option of adoption of children who are an already existing burden on society. It overlooks the possibilities of having offspring as a result of artificial insemination, egg donation, or in-vitro fertilization, etc. which does in fact create a new burden on society and therefore should render the same rights and benefits to those couples (homosexual or whatever) who choose to take those paths.
This argument also neglects to recognize that there are heterosexual couples who are married and are biologically unable to have children due to sterility or whatever, yet they're afforded the same benefits and rights as married heterosexual couples who are able to have children. On principle of motherfucking equality, homosexual couples should be given the same rights as heterosexual married couples who cannot have biological children. Therefore, the outlandish claim that homosexual relationships are inequal or in some way harmful because they do not provide the same benefits to society as heterosexual marriages is simply not sufficient.
I know it's so messed up how our society all thinks.


I should go to sleep now if I have any hope of waking with enough time to pack...but I'll probably be up another couple hours.
fear
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