It's a sad day when waking up at 9am is sleeping in.

I have no paper clips so I literally had to clip my notes for Advanced Accounting Topics together with bobby pins this morning. Bobby pins. Fucking bobby pins. I am not even happy that this semester has ended because all it means is that I've lost all my chances to redeem my grades.
& now all I have to look forward to is resuming my self-studying for the CPA exam.
When the fuck will I get to enjoy my life?
  • Current Music
    Help I'm Alive-Metric

Pass the Courvoisier.

Don't this shit make my people wanna jump, jump? Just got home from the office party. We almost went bar-hopping as a group near the end, but thankfully it didn't pan out. I drank Courvoisier, listened to the Executive Director talk institute politics with various professors, laughed a lot, & fielded awkward questions & jokes in front of my father.
It was interesting.

  • Current Music
    Pass the Courvoisier (Part II)-Busta Rhymes feat. Pharrell Williams & P Diddy

All the good times suffer.

Instead of the H&O show on Friday, I'll be going to the office party; mistake.
Bro, I'm so ashamed.
I had hoped to somehow impulsively get tickets to the concert at the last minute. Unrealistic, of course, but a romantic plan nonetheless. Instead, I'll probably end up spending the night in careful conversation with assorted professors & co-workers, smiling and reciting rehearsed replies to questions. Dutifully networking. With Possession Obsession set to a montage of images of Daryl Hall building houses playing in the back of my mind.
& tears streaming down my face.
Haha, okay, I'm kidding about the tears part...maybe. No, I really am bummed about not going to the H&O show. Seriously. Not going is the perfect way to start the end of a distinctly crappy semester.
  • Current Music
    Don't Lose My Number-Phil Collins

The locker slams on the plans you had tonight.

One of the four suitemates of mine whose room is right next to mine has some heinous gas right now. It sounds like she's freaking moving furniture in there. Ugh.
So, Hall & Oates are playing in Atlanta at Chastain on April 17th. That's a motherfucking Friday. Tickets go on sale tomorrow. I so want to go. I have no excuses except no one to go with (which is necessary because I need a ride). I can't think of any of my friends who like Hall & Oates enough to pay to see them. My sister is game, but she doesn't have a car either. Maybe I can somehow drag my Dad into this...I forced him to listen to them on the way home from a family trip a few years ago & he didn't protest too much. Hmm.
What do you think of a Phd in Management? I'm thinking about it. I am already turned off of Actuarial Science after the lady I met with was a bit of a condescending bitch.
I need to go to sleep early tonight! Like right now! I totally slept in and had to call in sick to work today. Shit. Good night!
  • Current Music
    Adult Education-Hall & Oates

Sure you talk the talk when you need to.

I fear the whole world is starting to believe you.

Have you ever had an iced coffee that was half warm? It is not a pleasant experience, especially when it is unexpected. The Saxby's barista at the library who made this white chocolate mocha this time leaves much to be desired.

Suddenly, it's hit me, as I sit here brought almost to tears over a mundane & difficult International Accounting homework assignment (pathetic, I'm well aware): I have no social stimulation here in downtown Atlanta, even after living here for roughly 8 months now. I don't know my way around and I have no one to explore with so I stay at home in front of my computer all the time whenever I'm not in class or at work.

I cannot believe that I romanticized being so alone as a child. I pictured myself, grown up and sophisticated, alone in an apartment for one. Painting something on a canvas. Wearing a black turtle neck. Drinking something alcoholic. In the daydream of my youth it was probably red wine. Which I now know that I dislike, so in the daydream of now, it would be vodka mixed with something fruity. Maybe a screwdriver. Or white wine. I don't mind white wine. Anyway, back to it: I'd be struggling to make ends meet, but thoroughly enjoying the starving artist cliché with all honesty. When it comes down to it, I'm so far from that silly dream. I'm in graduate school...not out of a desire to educate myself any further, but rather out of a fear to face the real world with its deadlines, expectations, employee performance reviews, parallel parking, and whatnot.

I try to convince myself that everyone goes through at least one period in their life where they are alone and have no friends to call on. But I'm really getting sick of always eating by myself. This feeling is not unlike what I experienced in Singapore a couple years ago, only more magnified and much more bothersome. Maybe I've forgotten how to showcase my personality. I do have one. A pretty great one, if I say so myself. I've forgotten how to socialize? Well, most likely, I haven't yet learned how to socialize properly. Seamlessly. I cut off my socializing for a while for a good reason. That reason still exists, but I was later able to make some friends around it. Sure, I'd even gotten pretty good at masking my deficiency. Always the one to make a quick quip & get a laugh. But now that I'm alone it's becoming painfully obvious that I'm totally lost.

Lost in a major I have no ambition or passion for, perhaps? No, not really. I mean, that I can deal with. Well..maybe not. Sure, I get depressed about it constantly, but I'm always overcome with a sense of responsibility to myself (no, really to others) to keep up what I try to convince myself is not a charade. A responsibility to see this through because I feel it is truly too late to do something else. I'm already doing a freaking Masters for crying out loud! How can I possibly backtrack to my Undecided major from sophomore year of undergrad now!? Sometimes I do wish I would have the courage to stop this and tell everyone, "Hey! Sorry guys! I fucked up! I really did, and I understand that this announcement is way late and that I had so many chances to make it earlier that I just didn't take out of fear & stupidity, but...guess what? I'm ready to finally take charge of the situation and do something I enjoy! Something I can handle! Aren't you happy for me?" Hahaha, that is never going to happen. But maybe there is still an out. Once I graduate in December, if I don't find a job (and the way things are going, I probably won't anytime soon), I will lose my health insurance. I'll only continue to have health insurance if I keep going to school! Maybe I can use this opportunity to get yet another degree. Only this time, it could be a degree that I can feel comfortable with. One I care about at least a little.

Ultimately, I suppose I'm lost in being alone. Which I guess makes it somewhat cruelly ironic...that I am alone and therefore don't even have to worry about anyone picking up on my loss of social skills. It completely works for as well as against itself. How positively neat.
I guess I should get back to my homework.
  • Current Music
    Taxi Ride-Tori Amos

Not with Jane Fucking Fonda Jr. as my date.

Just now, as I was walking into my apartment building, a homeless guy was walking towards me. I immediately sped up my walk to the door and frowned extra hard to show him I meant business and wasn't going to stop to entertain him or hear whatever babble he was preparing to say. He just smiled and said, "You shouldn't be so serious all the time. Being too serious is bad for your health." So I smiled wide after I passed him. Asshole.
  • Current Music
    Superfly Sister-Michael Jackson

Like chewing on pearls.

I really want some oreos.
I'm off to Vegas in a few hours.
I don't want to go.
  • Current Music
    I Like It Rough-Lady Gaga

Well that is that & this is this. You tell me what you want & I'll tell you what you get.


His line: So what is your room number? You may need me to help you washing your long & beautiful hair or for a massage after your busy day.

My answer, after I sat in incredulous shock for about a minute: Uh, I'm pretty self-sufficient when it comes to washing my own hair, etc, so all that's unnecessary. I remember you said you were in the doctoral program for economics, right? How long have you been in the program? I'm actually considering maybe doing a PhD in accounting after my Masters. How do you like the doctoral program so far?

What I wanted to say: Fall back bitch, this is not your shit. I've talked to you once about motherfucking scholarly subjects that were so far from anything suggestive that I can't understand or believe you're trying this shit on me now. FUCK OFF. FUCK THE FUCK OFF, FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER.

He wants to wash my hair? Is he fucking serious? That shit made me more uncomfortable than being hit on by random homeless guys while walking to class/work. What is wrong with people? I was trying to NETWORK and this asshole only cares about coming onto me? FUCK THIS BULLSHIT.
  • Current Music
    Carmensita-Devendra Banhart